I think when most people enter friendship, they don’t ever consider the possibility of it ever ending. When you think about all of the memories, it’s almost impossible to think about that person just becoming another contact in your phone. The crazy part is that usually within a romantic relationship, most of the time, when it ends its the friendship aspect of it that you miss the most
I never really understood that kind of pain until it happened to me.
You confide in this person, share memories, special occasions, go to them when your partner has annoyed you….they become part of your family. A normal part of your life. Usually you know exactly why it hurts so much when you lose a lover, but you tell yourself that a friend leaving you shouldn’t be as painful….only to find out that it is, Typically because we don’t have sex with our friends (usually), we tell ourselves that not having to lose the sexual intimacy should make losing the friendship less painful than when we lose a romantic relationship.
Even though friendship breakups don’t include the loss of sex, men and women experience a similar sense of loss when a friend cuts off a relationship. The bottom-line feeling is the same: “He or she doesn’t want me anymore.” And that in itself is hard to deal with when you have a trusted attachment to that person.
The reality is, some friendships only last for a certain season in our lives and when the season has come to an end, it may seem that you don’t have all that much in common with this friend anymore.
So, how can you cope when a close friend no longer wants you?
Acceptance is the key to recovery from the loss. Understand that friendships – just like romantic relationships – can be fleeting. You’ve grown at different paces, may not be vibrating at the same spiritual level, an argument may have caused you to doubt your friendship or it just simply went through a rough patch that neither of you could handle.
You’ll see books on “how to improve your relationship” and seek advice marriage counsellors but nothing about “how to maintain a happiness within a friendship.” You think to yourself ….. maybe if we tried more it would of worked? Only time can tell. Perhaps if we learn to feed our friendships as much as we feed our romantic relationships, we could spare ourselves a few painful breakups.
Either way accepting what it is, accepting the journey of life is one of the best ways to deal with it. Communicate, learn and grow.