Why Losing a Friend Can Be Worse Than Losing a Lover.

I think when most people enter friendship, they don’t ever consider the possibility of it ever ending. When you think about all of the memories, it’s almost impossible to think about that person just becoming another contact in your phone. The crazy part is that usually within a romantic relationship, most of the time, when it ends its the friendship aspect of it that you miss the most

I never really understood that kind of pain until it happened to me.

You confide in this person, share memories, special occasions, go to them when your partner has annoyed you….they become part of your family. A normal part of your life. Usually you know exactly why it hurts so much when you lose a lover, but you tell yourself that a friend leaving you shouldn’t be as painful….only to find out that it is, Typically because we don’t have sex with our friends (usually), we tell ourselves that not having to lose the sexual intimacy should make losing the friendship less painful than when we lose a romantic relationship.
Even though friendship breakups don’t include the loss of sex, men and women experience a similar sense of loss when a friend cuts off a relationship. The bottom-line feeling is the same: “He or she doesn’t want me anymore.” And that in itself is hard to deal with when you have a trusted attachment to that person.

The reality is, some friendships only last for a certain season in our lives and when the season has come to an end, it may seem that you don’t have all that much in common with this friend anymore.

So, how can you cope when a close friend no longer wants you?
Acceptance is the key to recovery from the loss. Understand that friendships – just like romantic relationships – can be fleeting. You’ve grown at different paces, may not be vibrating at the same spiritual level, an argument may have caused you to doubt your friendship or it just simply went through a rough patch that neither of you could handle.

You’ll see books on “how to improve your relationship” and seek advice marriage counsellors but nothing about “how to maintain a happiness within a friendship.” You think to yourself ….. maybe if we tried more it would of worked? Only time can tell. Perhaps if we learn to feed our friendships as much as we feed our romantic relationships, we could spare ourselves a few painful breakups.

Either way accepting what it is, accepting the journey of life is one of the best ways to deal with it. Communicate, learn and grow.

10 Comments

  • Goldie

    Wow thanks this just helped me understand… Just got out of a friendship of 7 years we were best friends and I do agree acceptance is key.

    But with me I don’t know I’m just not feeling anything whatsoever I want to feel something but nothing I really feel as if I was wronged in this case and I shouldn’t be trying to fix it anymore.

    Yes just maybe we have grown up and now we are becoming totally different

    • Jourdan Riane

      I’m so glad it was able to bring some understanding! It’s such a hard thing to deal with but one things for sure, we’re always able to get through it! And if you’re not feeling anything, that’s not a bad thing! You may have emotionally already outgrown the hurt and you’re past it without even realising

    • Jourdan Riane

      I’m so sorry!!!!! I hope maybe this can encourage a conversation between the two of you that you may be scared to have ? Communication is key! It doesn’t always have to end badly

  • Jj

    Wow, great post. Hi Jourdan, we met in college lol but I should be a distant memory by now but just have to say, I knew you could do it. Your energy was contagious back then. I also got cut off by a friend recently even though she was in the wrong. I even wanted to hash it out and forgive what happened but she cut ties. It hurt bad. I’m still confused. I’m looking for where I went wrong on my part. I dunno.

    • Jourdan Riane

      Hey lovely!! You dont have a picture up so I cant see what you look like but based on the name JJ I think I do remember you anyway 🙂 And thank you so so much!! Im sorry for what happened between you and your friend, I really am. Maybe take some time to be alone and reflect and the answer may come to you when you’re least expecting it xo

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